… to 21!

13043504_10209415613607117_301116446982812575_nThis was a post I intended to write a long time ago. Back in May, I shared 20 moments that made my 20th year so special. I intended to follow it up with what I hoped 21 would have in store for me. Turns out, I didn’t really know. And I still don’t! One thing it’s taken me 6 months of being 21 to realise though, is that this is just SO YOUNG! I have been so guilty of wishing the days away. I used to desperately wish I was older so I could be more comfortable and stable and sure of myself, but the reality is, that’s only gonna come after the many years of uncertainty I’m going to learn from before then.

The last few weeks, really the last few months, have made me face up to a lot of things going on in my head that I’d really been ignoring. Stress, pressure and a constant sense of self-doubt makes it hard to ignore them! So I’ve spent time thinking, talking, getting back to basics and organising the littlest things in life which somehow I’d made seem a lot bigger. Finally I feel more back on track. So many things have come out of this time which I’m sure I’ll share at some point but this age thing really hit me today. I was on Facetime earlier animatedly yelling “WE’RE SO YOUNG!!!” at Hayley and right now, it suddenly feels so important to realise it!

I’ve spent a lot of time comparing myself to others recently, judging myself on what I think others might feel toward me rather than what they actually do. I’ve taken all the parts of my life and merged them in to one big haze of scary, uncertain madness. I’ve ignored things I need to do because of fear or lack of confidence. I’ve constantly told myself I’m not actually smart enough, focused enough, interesting enough, passionate enough about all these different things until it got to the point when I was confining myself to this idea that I can’t do it. That I’ll never actually be good enough. What I didn’t realise amongst it all is that actually, this is not the time in life to be confining myself to anything. There should never really be a time in life when we do that, but right now especially.

Right now? Right now is for growing, learning, exploring, challenging, inspiring, creating. It’s for new things that are scary and unusual and bizarre and daunting. It’s for doing not one thing, but a hundred. It’s for studying, writing, interning, socialising, dancing, laughing, lazing, cuddling, reading, exploring, researching, talking. It’s for just doing everything you possibly can or could want to.

So this may not be something that’s exclusive to 21 years but it’s a lesson I’ve learned in the months since. This is the time to stop putting limits, expectations and boundaries on myself. This is the time to be free to most enjoy every element of life as it happens and when it happens for myself. As my fabulous friend Elsa says, at this time? “YOU DO YOU.”

Kath x

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